


The Art of Trolling

by Hekateras



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Blogging, Gen, Post Reichenbach
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-20
Updated: 2012-01-20
Packaged: 2017-10-29 20:48:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/324024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hekateras/pseuds/Hekateras
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post-Reichenbach: Moriarty is still alive, and hacks into John's blog again. Big time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Art of Trolling

**The Blog of Dr. John Watson**

16th June:

**Untitled**

He was my best friend and I'll always believe in him.

**Comments disabled**

* * *

**Comments:**

* * *

Hi sexy, it's me again. I'm bored. Let's play.

 **Rich Brook(geddit?)** **29 June 15:23**

* * *

I didn't actually shoot myself in the face, you know. Obviously.

**Rich Brook(geddit?) 30 June 12:20**

* * *

I've got your adorable conversation with Johnny-boy recorded on my phone, you know. Maybe I'll post it to Youtube.

****Rich Brook(geddit?) 30 June** 12: 34  
**

* * *

"I want you to tell Lestrade, tell Mrs. Hudson, tell Molly – in fact, tell anyone who will listen to you that I INVENTED Moriarrrteeeee for MY OWN P URPOSESSS"

****Rich Brook(geddit?) 30 June** 12:36  
**

* * *

And so forth. Amirite?

**Rich Brook(geddit?) 30 June 12:40**

* * *

But seriously.

**Rich Brook(geddit?) 1 July 16:29**

* * *

Come on. It was only a six-story building. I know you're out there somewhere.

**Rich Brook(geddit?) 5 July 05:20**

* * *

SO. BORED.

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **6 July 11:11**

* * *

I know you're reading this, Sherlock.

 **Rich Brook(geddit?)** **26 July 18:20**

* * *

Well, I'm assuming you're reading this. None of my men have actually been able to spot you.

 **Rich Brook(geddit?)** **26 July 18:49**

* * *

You're good.

 **Rich Brook(geddit?)** **27 July 15:10**

* * *

Or you're really dead.

 **Rich Brook(geddit?)** **28 July** **12:00**

* * *

Okay, okay, I'll be the first to admit my plan was a little short-sighted. You've made your point. Can we go back to playing now?

 **Rich Brook(geddit?)** **2 August 12:29**

* * *

What am I supposed to do now, Sherlock? Have a little empathy, for Chrissakes.

**Rich Brook(geddit?) 5 August 19:22**

* * *

Yeah, I know. Pot and kettle and all that. Guilty as charged.

 **Rich Brook(geddit?)** **6 August 13:58**

* * *

(Unless the Old Bailey's involved. LOL :3

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **6 August 14:00**

* * *

Tell you what: I'll keep it just between the two of us. It'll be like the good old days. Just between you and me. Nobody else involved.

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **12 August 16:50**

* * *

Oh, come on. Is THAT why you're not replying? You're worried about your friends?

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **15 August 14:11**

* * *

That's just ridiculous. The deal was "Jump and I won't kill all your friends", not "Jump and die and stay dead and I won't kill all your friends". Listening comprehension, plz?

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **15 August 14:24**

* * *

Sebby tells me I did actually tell you to kill yourself. Which, he tells me, implies dying. And staying dead.

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **16 August 15:52**

* * *

But then Sebby's an insufferable pedant.

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **16 August 16:00**

* * *

Comes with the profession, I suppose.

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **16 August 17:33**

* * *

Sebby's a hell of a sniper, I mean. Used to venture into the jungle and track down tigers.

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **17 August 16:42**

* * *

Not easy to compete with that sort of background, but I keep him occupied.

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **17 August 20:02**

* * *

I kept him on Johnny-boy in case the other guy messed up. Can never be sure with foreigners.

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **18 August 14:21**

* * *

Do you know they actually gave him a shock blanket? John, I mean.

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **18 August 18:21**

* * *

An orange one.

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **19 August 14:01**

* * *

But I suppose it makes sense. He was all... wobbly.

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **19 August 14:23**

* * *

Could hardly keep him in the crosshairs, Seb tells me.

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **19 August 14:32**

* * *

Wink wink nudge nudge

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **19 August 14:55**

* * *

COME ON!11

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **30 August 15:29**

* * *

Oh. "I believe in Sherlock Holmes". How cute.

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **5 September 10:00**

* * *

This is getting absurd.

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **30 September 17:20**

* * *

So. bored. Bored. BORED!

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **15 October 20:10**

* * *

I'm starting to sound like you aren't I?

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **15 October 20:12**

* * *

This is FATE.

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **15 October 20:13**

* * *

Do you know how hard it is to find a decent challenge around here?

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **16 October 21:11**

* * *

I mean, sure, I could go and plot out all sorts of cunningly elegant schemes for terrorists and political groups and the like, but nobody would even NOTICE.

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **16 October 21:17**

* * *

What's the point of being a criminal genius if there's nobody to appreciate you?

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **16 October 21:22**

* * *

I might just go and kill myself soon.

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **20 October 01:12**

* * *

Honestly.

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **20 October 02:52**

* * *

For real.

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **20 October 04:21**

* * *

You wouldn't want that to happen, would you?

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **22 October 11:12**

* * *

...Would you?

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **25 October 12:01**

* * *

Sherlock?

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **27 October 07:12**

* * *

I mean, I thought we had a special something going on there.

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **29 October 23:31**

* * *

You were ready to outright throttle me. On a rooftop.

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **30 October 00:24**

* * *

It doesn't get much kinkier than that.

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **30 October 00:33**

* * *

TRICK OR TREAT!

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **31 October 21:00**

* * *

It's been four months. I'm disappointed in you, ordinary Sherlock. I really thought you'd be starting to show signs of life by now. Halloween would've been perfect.

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **4 November 19:01**

* * *

There's a hole where a thorn in my side used to be.

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **10 November 21:05**

* * *

Look, I'll say it again: Just the two of us. Nobody else. No... collateral damage.

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **20 November 19:01**

* * *

You want me to promise it?

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **25 November 15:21**

* * *

Fine.

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **25 November 19:01**

* * *

I promise I won't involve anyone you know in our games.

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **25 November 19:05**

* * *

Happy?

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **26 November 12:25**

* * *

Okay, fine, maybe I don't across as the most trustworthy type of person.

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **15 December**  
 **11:01**

* * *

Sebby reminds me that the term is "changeable".

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **15 December**  
 **11:05**

* * *

What would I do without him?

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **15 December**  
 **11:12**

* * *

Find someone else, probably.

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **15 December**  
 **11:20**

* * *

Merry Christmas, sugar! Don't catch your death out there, wherever you are. I'm not done playing with you!

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **25 December**  
 **17:01**

* * *

Sebby tells me some of our agents in the Netherlands have been having problems. Was that you?

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **28 December**  
 **19:24**

* * *

Please tell me it was you.

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **29 December**  
 **10:10**

* * *

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **31 December**  
 **23:59**

* * *

Here's my NY's resolution: Play with Sherlock Holmes again! :) :) :P

**  
**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **1 January**  
 **00:04**  
**

* * *

Okay, you should know by now that I removed the inside man we had in Lestrade's office. How's that for a gesture of goodwill?

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **30 January**  
 **11:55**

* * *

Sebby says "goodwill" sounds funny when I say it.

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **2 February**  
 **15:21**

* * *

I've been rehearsing these out loud before posting them, you see.

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **2 February**  
 **15:25**

* * *

I want everything to be perfect for you. :)

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **2 February**  
 **15:29**

* * *

Happy Valentine's Day, Virgin! Mwah mwah mwah! :3

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **14 February**  
 **14:14**

* * *

Do you wish to see a grown man beg?

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **20 February**  
 **15:21**

* * *

I'm not above it, you know.

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **28 February**  
 **11:26**

* * *

You jumped off a rooftop for me. I'm willing to make concessions.

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **29 February**  
 **19:00**

* * *

Please.

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **3 March**  
 **15:21**

* * *

PLEEASSSE.

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **9 March**  
 **11:25**

* * *

Pretty plEAASSSE with a cherry on top!

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **15 March**  
 **18:55**

* * *

I haven't shaved in a month, my fingernails are in horrible shape and I'm pretty sure I've put on weight.

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **29 March**  
 **15:11**

* * *

It's all your fault.

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **1 April**  
 **20:00**

* * *

No, really.

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **2 April**  
 **11:24**

* * *

Teh boredom. It HURTS.

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **5 April**  
 **12:45**

* * *

You're driving me to desperation, Sherlock.

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **19 April**  
 **15:00**

* * *

You know what happens when I get desperate.

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **25 April**  
 **18:01**

* * *

answwwer meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **28 April**  
 **20:00**

* * *

It's almost a year.

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **5 May**  
 **12:25**

* * *

How about a date? :P

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **8 May**  
 **13:42**

* * *

To celebrate our anniversary of mutually driving each other to suicide.

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **9 May**  
 **17:40**

* * *

Except, you know, not.

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **9 May**  
 **18:25**

* * *

I'm thinkin dinner, candles...

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **10 May**  
 **12:21**

* * *

...explosives...

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **10 May**  
 **12:29**

* * *

Do you like Celine Dion?

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **12 May**  
 **18:59**

* * *

I like singing in the shower.

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **14 May**  
 **15:42**

* * *

Maybe we can sing in the shower together sometime.

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **16 May**  
 **19:15**

* * *

Lots of sharp things in there. ;)

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **19 May**  
 **11:28**

* * *

Today is the day!

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **25 May**  
 **10:00**

* * *

I've got the whole evening planned out.

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **25 May**  
 **10:00**

* * *

You know what happens tonight?

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **25 May**  
 **10:02**

* * *

Tonight we dine in HELL!1

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **25 May**  
 **10:05**

* * *

That had to come out. Sorry!

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **25 May**  
 **10:10**

* * *

You see what you've done to me?

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **25 May**  
 **10:12**

* * *

But come on now.

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **25 May**  
 **10:16**

* * *

Midnight.

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **25 May**  
 **10:27**

* * *

I'll be at the place where the Russian killer died yesterday under "mysterious circumstances".

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **25 May**  
 **11:02**

* * *

IfyouknowwhatImean

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **25 May**  
 **11:03**

* * *

;)

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **25 May**  
 **11:05**

* * *

I've managed to procure an old-fashioned phonograph. Genuine.

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **25 May**  
 **12:21**

* * *

For the classic "the bomb explodes when the recording stops" kind of trap, you know.

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **25 May**  
 **12:35**

* * *

One of Bach's pieces. I think you'll like it. :)

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **25 May**  
 **12:48**

* * *

What do you care if it explodes? Well, I hate spoilers, but I really ought to mention:

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **25 May**  
 **12:50**

* * *

John'll be here too. ;)

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **25 May**  
 **13:00**

* * *

I warned you: desperation makes me retreat into tired old cliches.

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **25 May**  
 **14:01**

* * *

I'd get your little dog too, but you don't have a little dog, and Lestrade's boring.

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **25 May**  
 **14:31**

* * *

You should get one.

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **25 May**  
 **14:44**

* * *

I had to gag him, you know. Filthy army mouth and all.

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **25 May**  
 **14:51**

* * *

Such fire, though! Must've been hard on you, not seeing him for a year.

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **25 May**  
 **14:57**

* * *

(Unless you've been stalking him, I suppose.)

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **25 May**  
 **15:00**

* * *

Except there's not much point to this if you're dead.

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **25 May**  
 **15:02**

* * *

And, by extension, not much point to John.

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **25 May**  
 **15:05**

* * *

Johnny.

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **25 May**  
 **15:08**

* * *

So let me know if you're coming by, like, 10pm.

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **25 May**  
 **15:12**

* * *

Because otherwise I might get bored and start playing the music early.

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **25 May**  
 **15:32**

* * *

And then try to salvage what's left of my evening.

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **25 May**  
 **15:37**

* * *

(You can be horribly selfish like that.)

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **25 May**  
 **15:52**

* * *

It's funny. I explained to him what I'm doing. He's strapped to a chair and loaded with bombs again, but he's just so _hopeful_. Happiest he's been in months, probably.

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **25 May**  
 **16:01**

* * *

Heartbreaking, really.

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **25 May**  
 **16:02**

* * *

You do still have a heart, don't you, Sherlock? ^_~

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **25 May**  
 **16:15**

* * *

Well?

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **25 May**  
 **18:32**

* * *

I'm waiting.

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **25 May**  
 **18:54**

* * *

I said 10 pm, didn't I?

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **25 May**  
 **19:31**

* * *

Did I also mention I'm changeable?

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **25 May**  
 **19:46**

* * *

Cutting it kind of close, aren't you?

**Rich Brook(geddit?)**  
 **25 May**  
 **20:25**

* * *

Trick or treat.

**SH**  
 **25 May**  
 **21:00  
  
  
**

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by Garmonbozia's excellent MoriartyLives!fics.
> 
> Russian translation by Hexachrome: www.diary.ru/~sherlockbbc/p172084437.htm
> 
> Russian translation by S is for Sibyl: www.diary.ru/~sherlockbbc/p172268701.htm
> 
> Chinese translation by wateversun: www. mtslash viewthread .php?tid=35849
> 
> Chinese sequel: www. mtslash viewthread .php?tid=35964
> 
> Polish translation: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8475643/1/Sztuka_Trollowania


End file.
